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Home Divorce

A Divorce Letter Written by Both Parties

Eric Banks by Eric Banks
September 7, 2025
in Divorce
0

I am writing this letter to tell you about the divorce I am going through. We have been married for seven years, and we have two kids together. When is a divorce letter not a divorce letter? When both parties have written the letter. A divorce letter written by both parties can hurt your case. One spouse usually writes a divorce letter to prove the other is at fault.

However, when both spouses write letters to the court, the judge may not see things the same way. I will show you what to avoid when writing a divorce letter and how to write a letter that will win custody of your kids.

Many people getting divorced struggle with writing these letters because it’s such an emotional subject. They find it hard to think straight; when they start writing, they get emotional and lose focus. Both parties wrote this letter, and they have chosen not to use their real names in case their ex reads it. This letter allows both sides to explain themselves in writing, and they’re free to tell the truth.

Article Summary show
Why write a letter of divorce?
If the divorce is acrimonious, it’s a bit more complicated.
Why?
A divorce letter written by both parties
Divorce Letters Should Be Handwritten
How long should you write your letter?
What should you include in your divorce letter
Frequently Asked Questions: Divorce Letter
Top 3 Myths About Divorce Letter
Conclusion

Why write a letter of divorce?

When the divorce is amicable, it’s fairly common for both spouses to write a letter to the court explaining why they’re separating.

If the divorce is acrimonious, it’s a bit more complicated.

A letter from one spouse can be a big help. It could show the judge that the divorce is not a reflection of the marriage and that real issues are in play. While many people find this type of letter extremely helpful, it can also be harmful.

Why?

Because the judge can misinterpret the letter.

This is especially true if the letter is written by the “winner” of the divorce. The letter could reflect badly on the loser or appear as if the loser is trying to “blame” the “winner.”

It’s much better to write a letter of divorce “in your own words.”

A divorce letter written by both parties

Both spouses often agree that the other is at fault, and they write letters to the court to support this fact. If you are one of the lucky ones, this is a very simple case. There is also a risk of a claim being thrown out. If both parties wrote similar letters, the judge might not see it as proof that both parties agreed the other was at fault.

If the husband wrote a letter saying, “I think my wife is at fault,” and the wife wrote a note saying, “I think my husband is at fault,” then the judge would have no choice but to throw the case out. You can avoid this risk by writing a letter different from the other spouse has received. This is especially important if you argue that the other spouse is not at fault.

Divorce Letters Should Be Handwritten

Divorce letters should be handwritten. When they’re typed, the letter’s tone can come off as fake or, worse yet, manipulative. If you’re ending your divorce letter, handwrite it yourself. Writing a letter by hand will help you convey the right message to the judge and make you think about what you want to say.

How long should you write your letter?

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” This is particularly true when writing a divorce letter. The judge can see if you’re unclear in your letter.

Therefore, it’s important to write clearly and concisely. Make sure you have a clear, well-written outline. Include all the necessary information, and don’t leave anything out.

If you’re wondering how long your letter should be, it depends on what your goal is. To consider the following:

Your desired outcome

The type of letter you’re writing

The jurisdiction where you’re writing the letter

The number of pages

What should you include in your divorce letter

You should include all the facts of your divorce, including financial information. If you’ve got any problems with your spouse, you should include a list of all the issues and a summary of the arguments and evidence you’ve gathered. If you can, take photos of your spouse’s belongings. This helps the judge understand what the other spouse owned and why you want it back.

You should also include a list of any assets or debts you want the judge to consider. You can also include any financial information your spouse has requested. It’s also important to include any medical history, mental health records, and children involved.

Finally, you should include a list of any witnesses you’d like the judge to call to testify.

Frequently Asked Questions: Divorce Letter

Q: How did you know that you wanted a divorce?

A: It was my husband’s idea. He wanted me to move out of our apartment. I didn’t want to, but I knew he was right.

Q: Do you think it will help you in your relationship?

A: Yes, it will help us in our relationship. I have seen a lot of improvements since I started writing this letter.

Q: Why did you decide to write this letter to your husband?

A: I wrote this letter to tell him how much I loved him and that we had a great marriage. I also told him that if he stayed with me, he needed to work on himself.

Top 3 Myths About Divorce Letter

1. It’s illegal to write such a letter.

2. It’s illegal to ask someone for money.

3. You can’t have someone else pay your child support.

Conclusion

The divorce process can seem quite complicated. Not only does it require a lot of paperwork, but it can also affect your finances, health, and relationship with your partner. It’s estimated that one in every three marriages ends in divorce. As a result, people are often left with many questions about how to go about the process. They may not know where to turn for advice.  Many of them will have never gone through a divorce before. Luckily, if you’re going through a divorce, there are several things you can do to make the process easier and more affordable. It’s important to remember you don’t want to wait until the divorce has been finalized. You can start planning how you’ll handle’ll finances, your children, and your relationship after your divorce.

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Eric Banks

Eric Banks

I work as a lawyer in the area of intellectual property law, and also as a blogger. On the legal side, I focus on copyright and trademark law. On the blogging side, I write about various legal topics, including intellectual property law, e-commerce, and Internet privacy. My work has appeared in law journals, business publications, and the blogs of several law firms. I also give a biweekly seminar called “How to Avoid Being A Copyright Moron.”

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